So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I need to sanitize my soul.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
