I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We need to feng shui this bitch.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
