We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I need to calm my uterus...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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