i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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