i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize