It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
