and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
