it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize