i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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