Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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