she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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