Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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