shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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