When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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