Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
