are you so shy because you have an std?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
