2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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