I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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