so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
