he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
