My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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