But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
