I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
