Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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