it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
