Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
