I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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