Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize