What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Im part way to drunk.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
