I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
