i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize