its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
