moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
