I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize