I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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