she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
