So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Randomize
