I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
