he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
