So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
When are your genitals available?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
