OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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