you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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