Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
