This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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