I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
