Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
