I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
