Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
