well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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