She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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