I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
