I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
