thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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