i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
