Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
