Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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