Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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