I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize
