never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
