i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
