my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize