My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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