That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
