A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
do nipples grow back?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
