i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
