So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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