how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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