Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
