So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
farters have to be the big spoon...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
