Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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