Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Tell her she can't have a vagina
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
