We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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