Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
