Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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