dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize