Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
