...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
