you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
