Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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