I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
