That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
