note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
