i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
