Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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