There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize