how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
