I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
