I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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