Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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