Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize