and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
