there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
