There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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