Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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