She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize