I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize