Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Randomize
