it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
