Kiss
Puke
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
