The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Randomize
