I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
