She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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