I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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