Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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