So drunk, too bad you don't want this
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
