Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
