wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
