I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
