We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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