guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
