They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
