suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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